WHO NEEDS A MENTOR

 Introduction

A wise man once said, “Don’t give me fish. Teach me how to fish”. Don’t take it literally.The fish he wanted might likely not be that which swims in the river but in the water of his desires. No matter what that fish might be, he had seen it leap out of the water a couple of times. It’s like the fish was saying- ‘Here I am. Come catch me’.

He said to himself ‘I wish I could’. 

Oh! What hope he felt the day he met a fisherman that came to deliver fishes at a local restaurant in his neighbourhood. When the fisherman saw him coming, smiling at him, he thought he wanted to ask for fish. Before the fisherman could speak any further, he said “Don’t give me fish. Teach me how to fish”. 

(Confession time)

The story above is fiction but the lessons are real.

The man in the story was regarded as wise because he knew what (‘fish’) he wanted, found someone who could teach him how to get it and was humble enough to ask. He was not willing to settle for crumbs, he wanted the real deal.

It was a “happily ever after story”. Isn’t that what most people want?

Everyone has a ‘fish’ they would like to catch. A flourishing ministry. A successful career. A successful business. A happy family.  Financial Independence. A this and that.

Whatever your ‘fish’ might be, it will be caught.  And very soon, you will be savouring your favourite ‘fish’ meal. But in the meantime, you need learn how think like this wiseman. Isn’t that a brilliant idea?

Read on.

Chapter 1

Life is an opportunity set in time.

Then God said, “Let us make a man – someone like ourselves, to be the master of all life upon the earth and in the skies and in the seas.

Genesis 1:26

The world has been blessed with great creators and inventors – both living and dead. None of them had enough love and power to make a creation just like themselves. God made man with a specification and functionality similar to Himself. This enabled man to dominate the earth just as God had commanded. The evidence of the proclamation and mandate for the creation of man is crystallizing right before our eyes.

Mankind began a conquest of the land, skies and the seas millions of years ago. We overcame the different challenges that came our way and opened up opportunities that were unimaginable many years ago. On Wednesday 30th May 2020, billionaire Elon Musk’s SpaceX company launched its first human passengers into orbit from Florida’s Kennedy Space Centre, opening a door to the commercialization of space. With the National Aeronautics and Space Administration astronauts Bob Behnken and Doug Hurley, and the SpaceX-manufactured manned orbital rocket, this was the first time that a private firm had carried humans into space orbit (https://przekroj.pl/en/science/earth-alienation-shoaib-shafi).

One of the most important political thinkers of the 20th century, Hannah Arendt who died in 1975, lent her thoughts in advance to this move which she had already anticipated. In her book The Human Condition (1958), she writes: “At the same time, we have begun to populate the space surrounding the earth with man-made stars, creating as it were, in the form of satellites, new heavenly bodies, and we hope that in a not very distant future we shall be able to perform what times before us regarded as the greatest, the deepest, and holiest secret of nature, to create or re-create the miracle of life. I use the word ‘create’ deliberately, to indicate that we are actually doing what all ages before ours thought to be the exclusive prerogative of divine action.”

Humans (including you) are the key to unlocking the hidden and unexplored riches of the earth. Therefore, everyman is born with, and has a potential. A potential to become great and do great things. Between birth and death lies the window of opportunity that is given to every man to unleash the potential within and without, opening up the door of opportunities for themselves and others.

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

2 Timothy 4:7 (NIV)

Like Paul’s letter to Timothy in the text above – How many people will be bold to declare they have lived a ‘good’ life before passing to the great beyond?

 It is a regrettable pity that many people only get to peep through the window of opportunity that life has to offer, they never get to open the door that lead to the world of endless possibilities. You do not want to be counted among them.

Despite the proclamation of the creator and the potential that man was birthed with, what is responsible for the untapped potentials resident in the living? Why has the world lost lots of unmaximized talents to the grave? The question is not why some people do more than others, after all, potentials, sometimes referred to as talents is not evenly distributed as illustrated in the scripture below. The question stated in another manner is: Why do some people get to unleash their potentials; do something impactful and meaningful with their lives while others just struggle or never get to?

“And to one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one, each according to his own ability….”

Matthew 25:15

Nobody negotiated to be created. Now that you are here (on earth), will you take up the challenge that life presents and access the opportunity that opens up? or will you simply let life happen? After all it’s not your fault. Many people are content with what life gives to them. They have become beggars of destiny because they have not prepared to face the inevitable challenges of life.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

John 16:33 (NIV)

If there were no challenges to conquer in life, would the word “successful” exist? And if it does, the next question will be-successful at what?

Now give me this hill country that the LORD promised me that day. You yourself heard then that the Anakites were there and their cities were large and fortified, but, the LORD helping me, I will drive them out just as he said.”

Joshua 14:12 (NIV)

The statement in the text above is credited to Caleb. A man who understood how life works. He (together with Joshua) had served Moses, the God-ordained liberator of the Israelites long enough to know that the power of God’s proclamation over his life is sure. He knew that the promises that God had given to him would remain as mere potential unless he arise and face the inevitable challenges head on.

The biblical character, Joseph was a born leader, a dreamer and an interpreter of dreams. He had a dream that one day, he will become a great man.He saw his brothers bow to him. His brothers would have none of that. He was the second to the last born. They looked at him scornfully every time he walked around wearing the coat of many colours that their father sewed for his favourite son. The hatred they had for him boiled. One fateful day, Joseph’s brother plotted to sell him into slavery. To account for his death, they lied to their father that he was killed by a wild animal. From slavery to prison, Joseph demonstrated that he was a God-fearing leader. He interpreted the dreams of his co-prisoners for free. One of the prisoners got released from the prison to serve the king as Joseph predicted. This guy gave a recommendation about Joseph and this changed his story forever.   When he interpreted the King’s impossible dream, he was assigned as prime minister in Egypt. At every challenging phase in Joseph’s life, he deployed his potential (gifts), thereby creating opportunities for himself and others.

If there were no challenges in life, will opportunities exist? If there are no challenges, what is the need for human potentials? Opportunities are opened up when challenges are surmounted. And, challenges will never be surmounted until human potential is put to work. An opportunity is not only an offer, opening or what most people are used to calling it; it is a medium, event, platform or anything that allows for expression of creative power in whatever form. It is often found in the midst of challenges. When opportunity is created, and exploited, value is delivered and captured in return.

“If somebody offers you an amazing opportunity but you are not sure you can do it, say yes – then learn how to do it later.”

Richard Branson

Being alive is an amazing opportunity. To get the best out of life, challenges needs to be embraced and explored for opportunities. It is a major requirement for accessing the pathway to the bundle of opportunities resident in the bowel of life. Once challenges are embraced as a necessity of life, the burning desire of the heart will be how to overcome them. If they are a necessity in life, it is safe to belief that all those who have become consistently successful at anything have overcome some sort of challenge. They have put their human potential to work; saying Yes! to life. There are likely to be moments when they felt like “I can’t do this (life)” but still said “yes” and eventually figured out how to do it. Anyone who wants to succeed at anything in life needs to learn how to overcome the challenges that life will most certainly throw at them.

Why do people not perform (use their potentials) to the best of their ability?

I like the exploit of the Williams sisters in the tennis world. It is very few people who will not admire popular sportsmen, politicians, artistes and scientists. Some of these people are often referred to as genius because of how they do what they are known for gracefully. Isn’t it?

Sufiah Yusof got admission to Oxford University at 13 to study mathematics. “Child Prodigy”, “Malaysian Maths Genius” and “Britain’s Youngest University Student” were some of the tags people gave her. Three years later, she ran away from school and her family. In 2008, there were several published media reports that she had become a call girl who charges 130 pounds per hour.  She was so proud of her sordid career that she posed in underwear and high heels for a Sunday newspaper (https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-557568/I-love-girl–Im-control-boasts-fallen-child-genius.html).

How did a little girl from one of the most brilliant family (after she entered Oxford, her brother and sister won university places aged 12 and 15) end up as a prostitute?

About seven years later, a mainstream media company reported the story of a British-Nigerian 10-year old math genius who’s just enrolled at college. It was reported that Esther, from Walsall, an industrial town in the UK’s West Midlands region, is one of the country’s youngest college freshmen. The talented 10-year-old enrolled at the Open University, a UK-based distance learning college, in January and is already top of the class, having recently scored 100% in a recent exam. She is the author of a series of mathematics workbooks for children called “Yummy Yummy Algebra”. (https://edition.cnn.com/2015/03/09/africa/esther-okade-maths-genius/index.html). As of 2019, at 14 she was working on a PhD., and will get it before she learns how to drive (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Esther_Okade). 

Though most of the stories above are typical ‘headline’ material. There are people who have achieved greater feats but never made it to the news. The mother who raised a total child, the manager who groomed his staff for leadership, the teacher who inspired their students to greatness and many others are proof that successful people can be found in every facet of life. Where others have seen problems, these people have seen opportunity. When such people speak, it is worth it to listen to them.

Life does not exist in isolation. Probing into factors within and without man, might offer some useful insight into why some people maximize their potentials while others struggle. The factors within are what constitute the nature of a person, while those without form the environment. In addition to human potential(s), the nature of a person includes but not limited to genes, awareness, mindset and others. The external factors, now referred to as the environment includes but not limited to the people in our lives, economy, society and others. There has been a widespread and in-depth study on the interconnectedness and the influence of both factors in the determination of the realization of the full potential of man in what is often referred to as the “nature versus nurture” debate. It revealed that both internal and external factors at work in the life of a person play important roles in the fulfilment of human potential.

Despite the enormous potential that resides in man, it has been proven beyond a reasonable doubt with several real-life stories that the environment often influences how people turn out. That is, what lies without can affect or influence the expression of what lies within. One of the most famous studies to illustrate this point is the observation of the lives of identical twins who even when raised in the same environment by the same loving parents turn out differently. Identical twins are known to share lots of similar genes. If that was true, the differences in twins might have been influenced by other factors in their environment, both prenatal and postnatal.

“Genes define your potential, but your environment largely determines how you turn out. The few who escape negative influences are outliers.”

(https://www.nytimes.com/2018/08/20/well/family/what-twins-can-teach-us-about-nature-vs-nurture.html)

People who maximize their potential in life are often those that have both factors aligned in their favour, allowing for a positive synergy. When the important element from both ends of nature and environment combines in this manner, a magical confluence that maximizes human potential is formed.  That magic is called nurture.

To nurture is to enrich the environment and resist bad influence. Other definitions of nurture according to dictionary.com are: To feed and protect, to support and encourage, to bring up; train and educate. While the mind is the epicentre of man’s nature, the people in our life are the nucleus of our environment. The people that you look up to, starting from your parents, have strong influence on you and can affect how you turn out. They either leave you out in the cold allowing the wild elements in the environment to attack you or they nurture you so that you can master your environment and exercise dominion in your God-ordained sphere of influence.

According to an interview she granted later, Sufiah Yusof, the mathematics prodigy turned prostitute unveiled the deep-seated resentment she harboured towards her father who home-schooled her. Sufiah emailed her family to say she had had enough of “15 years of physical and emotional abuse” from her “controlling and bullying” father, Farooq, who was later jailed for 18 months for sexually assaulting two 15-year-old girls. (https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-557568/I-love-girl–Im-control-boasts-fallen-child-genius.html).  The interview unveiled the contrast that exists between the Sufiah that people see and the real Sufiah that lived within. Stories like this surprise people in the same way the story of people who rose from grass to grace does.  The grace at work is often a positive concerted effort between the internal and the external forces at work in the life of a man.

This book will be a little bit biased towards the external factor that affects the fulfilment of human potential. And the most critical of this factor is people. The people in our lives.

The people in our lives

The values of the world we inhabit and the people we surround ourselves with have a profound effect on who we are.

Malcolm Gladwell

When God said “It isn’t good for man to be alone; I will make a companion for him, a helper suited to his needs.” (Genesis 2:18). He made a woman to fill that need. God’s response to the need of man was essentially confirming a design and functional need and attribute of the man that He created. Man was designed to function optimally and thrive through relationship with other humans. Human to human interaction is the crucible that tests and refines human potential, providing opportunity or limitation for its exploitation. It is also the incubator that nurtures the existing but developing human potential.

The help that every man need is embedded in these 3 human potential actualization phases- testing, refining and exploration. Every human relationship is performing at least one of the three potential actualization phases process. The help that every human need in life is embedded into these phases. All great men that ever lived passed through these phases.

The hatred that Joseph suffered from his brother, the false accusation by his master’s wife and others are the tests he went through. As he passed the tests, he was being refined. He was getting better and was able to make the best of the situations, making great exploits ultimately.

The dynamics and experiences of human relationships is a fire that either consumes, corrupt or refines human nature thereby determining the type of exploits that such life can make. The last sentence is not absolute. What we become as a result of our relationships is also dependent on interconnected with factors such as level of self-awareness and self-image. Gold will not be consumed by fire. It will rather be refined and shine when placed together with pebbles inside fire because it is gold – it knows what it is. Do you know who you are?

“The people we surround ourselves with either raise or lower our standards. They either help us to become the best version of ourselves or encourage us to become lesser versions of ourselves. We become like our friends. No man becomes great on his own. No woman becomes great on her own. The people around them help to make them great.

We all need people in our lives who raise our standards, remind us of our essential purpose, and challenge us to become the best version of ourselves.”

Matthew Kelly: The Rhythm of life.

Human potential cannot be explored in isolation from our environment and the people in our lives. These people either act as insulators from or conductors for the heat that the challenges in the environment (often called life) will generate. The challenges are not bad in themselves, because therein lies the pathway to unearthing human potentials and creating opportunities. The issue is, without the right mindset and the right people in our lives, these challenges often seems daunting, with an intimidating stature. Whether it is a child that is learning to walk, a student in medical school, a person standing trial, someone who is starting a business, a couple about the have their first child, or David about to face Goliath, everyone at one phase of their lives or the other have a hurdle to climb. It was when David killed Goliath that everyone knew he could. Challenges validate potential. Though David had great strength which he had demonstrated in the past, Goliath was a new challenge. He would not have had the opportunity to face Goliath if the King had not believed, encouraged and supported him. When David killed Goliath, his standard of exploits and level of achievement was raised- he could not have done that alone.

“Who and what we surround ourselves with is who and what we become. In the midst of good people, it is easy to be good. in the midst of bad people, it is easy to be bad.”

 ― Karen Marie Moning

Conscious decisions have to be made in determining the people we surround ourselves with and who we listen to. Whether we like it or not, they are influencing us in one way or the other. The people in our lives influence us mostly by what they say and what we see them do to us or others. These are the fruits of their life. As we admire or savour these fruits, the seeds are falling on the already cultivated soil of our hearts.It is just a matter of time and events before it begins to grow, yielding its own fruits. Clear?

The (smartest) way to live

If challenges are necessities of life, and by overcoming them, potential is released and progress made.What is the smartest way to live in this time bound life?

“Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself.”

― Eleanor Roosevelt

Man is born ignorant. We learn all that we knew here.  We learn to live and live to learn.

I think one of the biggest mistakes in history is the coining of the word ‘mistake’. Dictionary.com defines it as:

noun

1. an error in action, calculation, opinion, or judgment caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge, etc.
2. a misunderstanding or misconception.

verb (used with object), mis·took, mis·tak·en, mis·tak·ing.

1. to regard or identify wrongly as something or someone else:
2. to understand, interpret, or evaluate wrongly; misunderstand; misinterpret.

I made the above assertion because the definition above masked the value inherent in the word and added salt to injury for someone who is attempting to learn or do something but didn’t get it right. Learning is a continuous process.  The most important word here is ‘attempt’, which is synonymous to effort.  For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Every outcome from an attempt to learn or do something is a reaction or feedback. This is a very fundamental principle of life and science.

Thomas Edison, a famous scientist was once questioned by a reporter for his lack of results. This was before he invented the light bulb. Edison replied: “Results? Why, man, I’ve had plenty of results. I know several thousand things that don’t work!”Thomas Edison later became the founder of the biggest electrical company in the world at that time. But that was not the biggest achievement of Edison’s life. One of his biggest achievement is the encouragement and support he gave to the younger Henry Ford. Being a student of failure, Edison knew the power of encouragement.Thomas Edison would go on to become Henry Ford’s treasured mentor.  In the book, Edison As I Know Him (1930), Henry Ford recounts this amazing story as follows:

I first met Mr. Thomas A. Edison on the eleventh of August, 1896. That date means much to me, I think that I first saw him a year before. I had become chief engineer of the Detroit Edison Company. He was returning from his father’s funeral at Port Huron and he walked past the plant, which was next door to the Hotel Cadillac where he had spent the night. I saw him with a group of men – at least, someone told me that Mr. Edison was in the group, but they passed so quickly that I am by no means sure that I saw the right man.

Our first actual meeting was at a dinner at the old Manhattan Beach Hotel at Manhattan Beach, which is just a few miles from Coney Island. We were holding an Edison Convention – an annual event to which came the chief engineers and managers of the various Edison plants in order to exchange experiences. I went with Mr. Alexander Dow, the president of the Detroit Edison Company.

The dinner table was oval, with Mr. Edison at the head. At his right sat Charles Edgar, president of the Boston Edison Company, and I sat next to him. On the other side of the table was Samuel Insull, who has since become great in the electrical industry; J. W. Lieb, Jr., president of the New York Edison Company; John Vleeck, the chief engineer of the New York Company; John L. Beggs, and a number of others whom my recollection is not so certain.

During the afternoon session the convention had given itself up largely to discussing the new field that was opening for electricity in the charging of storage batteries for vehicles. The central station men saw in the electric carriage, the horseless carriage that everyone had been looking for. They predicted that the cabs and carriages would soon be on the streets by the thousands and would require much attention in the way of recharged batteries and the like, and of course that meant enormous revenues. At dinner the talk continued until Alexander Dow, pointing across to me, said:

“There’s a young fellow who has made a gas car.”

Then he went on to tell how he had heard something going pop, pop, pop, below his office window and had looked and seen a small carriage without any horses, and my wife and little boy sitting in it; that then I came out of the plant, got into the seat, and the thing moved off – pop, pop, popping all the way while everyone stopped and looked.

Someone at the table asked me how I had made my carriage go, and I started to tell, speaking fairly loudly so that those across the table could hear me, for they all stopped talking to listen. Mr. Edison caught some of it and put his hand to his ear to hear better, for even then he was decidedly deaf.

Mr. Lieb saw Mr. Edison trying to hear and motioned to me to pull up a chair from another table and sit beside Mr. Edison and speak up so that all of them could hear. I got up , but just then Mr. Edgar offered to change places with me, putting me next to Mr. Edison. He began to ask me questions which showed that he had already made a study of the gas engine.

“Is it a four-cylinder engine?” he asked. I told him that it was, and he nodded approval. Then he wanted to know if I exploded the gas in the cylinder by electricity and whether I did it by a contact or by a spark – for that was before spark plugs had been invented.

I told him that it was a make-and-break contact that was bumped apart by the piston, and I drew a diagram for him of the whole contact arrangement which I had on my first car – the one that Mr. Dow had seen. But I said that on the second car, on which I was then working, I had made what we today would call a spark plug – it was really an insulating plug with a make-and-break mechanism – using washers of mica. I drew that too.

He said that a spark would give a much surer ignition and a contact. He asked me no end of details and I sketched everything for him, for I have always found that I could convey an idea quicker by sketching than by just describing it. When I had finished, he brought his fist down on the table with a bang and said:

“Young man, that’s the thing; you have it. Keep at it. Electric cars must keep near to power stations. The storage battery is too heavy. Steam cars won’t do either, for they have to have a boiler and fire. Your car is self-contained – carries its own power plant – no fire, no boiler, no smoke and no steam. You have the thing. Keep at it.”

That bang on the table was worth worlds to me. No man up to then had given me any encouragement. I had hoped that I was headed right, sometimes I knew that I was, sometimes I only wondered if I was, but here all at once and out of a clear sky the greatest inventive genius in the world had given me a complete approval.

What a beautiful story!

Without attempt, there can’t be learning. Without learning, potentials cannot be actualised. Every trial and its resulting feedback from every endeavour in life constitute a valuable treasure which can help improve the life of the person who made the attempt, moving them closer to the solution. Not only that, it can save another person, who is ready to learn valuable time. Such humble souls can be delivered from needless pain and frustration. The smartest way to live is living in a way that avoids needless pain and frustration. It is living in a manner that releases potential optimally. A life that empowers for maximum impact. How is that even possible? You know the answer. It’s something you have been doing all your life either unconsciously or aimlessly. Imagine all that could happen if you practise it intentionally.

Philosophers agreed with Locke’s philosophy that a child is born with a ‘tabular rasa’ mind. That is, without rules for processing data, and that data is added and rules for processing are formed solely by one’s sensory experiences. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tabula_rasa#:~:text=In%20Locke’s%20philosophy%2C%20tabula%20rasa,solely%20by%20one’s%20sensory%20experiences.)

 Simply put, we are born with a blank mind and learn most of what we know from the environment (people in our lives, events and circumstances). We form our sense of judgement from our experiences and interpret the signals from our environment. This belief or ideas depending on how you see it is both lock and key for the fulfilment of human potentials. It is a lock because it suggests that it is easy to form a mindset that can determine the course of our lives and the screen with which we view life. This lock is a blessing if we learn the right values and attitudes with the best of experience that life has to offer.But life isn’t fair. Sometimes, we pick up limiting believes and mindsets.

The ability to learn from and be inspired by others is a key to the world of endless possibilities. It helps to save our limited time, gives us the power to break free from a limiting mindset and access the possibilities in the life of other people.

Those who have succeeded at anything worthwhile that is worth emulating in life have overcome some challenges to get to where they are currently. They have made mistakes and learnt from them. I think the smartest way to live is to learn from such people. 

Remember, you don’t have all the time in the world, and you need to get the best out of the one shot at life that you have.

Mentors are one of the most important people in our lives.

Richard Dove Williams Jr. is an American tennis coach.He took tennis lessons from a man known as “Old Whiskey” and decided his future daughters would be tennis professionals when he saw Virginia Ruzici playing on television. Williams wrote up a 78-page plan, and started giving lessons to Venus and Serena when they were four and a half, and began taking them to the public tennis courts. Soon he got them into Shreveport tennis tournaments. In 1995, Williams pulled them out of a tennis academy, and coached them himself. Serena won the US Open in 1999; Venus beat Lindsay Davenport to win the 2000 Wimbledon title (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Williams_(tennis_coach)). If you have not heard of the Williams sister, it is easy for me to conclude that sport is not your thing.

Parents are very important in the life of a child. They are the child’s first role model. Children behave, react and imitate their parents. Parents play an important role in encouraging and motivating their kids to learn. Good parental support helps a child to be positive, healthy and good life long learner. Children acquire skills at the very early stage of their life if the parents are responsive and understanding (https://www.thegaudium.com/role-parents-teachers-childs-life/).

Whether as a father or mother, the influence of parents upon their children cannot be overestimated.

There is a saying by one of the African tribes and it goes like this: ‘No matter how beautiful your mother is, you cannot make her your wife’. The relationship between parents and a child cannot cater for all the developmental needs of that child. At a junction on the journey of life there will be need for direction and instruction in other aspects of life where the parents do not have relevant or have limited experience. This is when a mentor steps in. This beautiful piece by the observer perfectly captures a salient point that differentiates a parent from a mentor:

No matter how exemplary a parent may be, his relationship to his child is fraught. Even their most constructive and unselfish advice can seem patronizing or reproachful. Not so with a mentor: his counsel is uncontaminated.

Mentors give the best advice not only because they are usually wiser, but because you’re more receptive to it. Acceptance requires deference (submission to legitimate influence of a superior), which can be hard to summon when you feel competitive, as you invariably do with a parent.

How precious mentors are. You can never have too many of them. Every one of them fills a different hole, serves a different need, leaves a different legacy.

(https://observer.com/2015/12/the-nature-of-nurture-honoring-the-mentors-who-changed-our-lives/)

This doesn’t mean a parent cannot be a mentor. But most times they are not. Later in his daughters’ careers, Richard Dove Williams Jr. took a less visible role, turning to other interests such as photography.

Mentors are part of the environmental influence that contributes to the development of talented individuals (Gagné, F. (2004). Transforming gifts into talents: The DMGT as a developmental theory. High Ability Studies, 15, 119–147.) Talents just like ideas though precious is cheap. The irony of human potential is that, though it is the raw material for human greatness, if not harnessed, it lies dormant and useless.

Talent, which is another word for human potential just like crude oil needs to be extracted and refined before its many useful components can be useful. Crude below the earth or beneath ocean floor is simply a potential energy source. To get the energy, the first challenge to overcome is the extraction, followed by refining, then distribution and so on. Likewise, human potential is not enough, it has to be carefully tapped and channelled appropriately so it can perform and deliver value to the carrier and others. Mentors have eyes for potential. This doesn’t mean they actively look for people with obvious potential, rather they see potential even where the carrier is oblivious to their own capabilities.. Mentors are believers in human potential. They have faith in the people they have decided to groom for greatness and this helps such people to believe in themselves.

Age or lengthy duration in a field is not a prerequisite for being a mentor but willingness to share one’s knowledge and to nurture talent. Mentoring requires openness to listen, and the thoughtfulness to create a collaborative, interactive culture in which a person of different skills and personalities can thrive.

The most beautiful thing about mentoring is that there is a mentor for everyone who seeks for one.

Obstacle is the way

“Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one”

― Bruce Lee

Now that you are aware that challenges are inevitable in life, how should you approach it? What is the necessary mindset needed? When the first black South African president and champion of anti-apartheid, Nelson Mandela opined that “It feels difficult until done”, he gave voice to the attitude of successful people. Though challenges might seem difficult, great minds have learnt to embrace and surmount them.

Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.

Marie Curie

Successful people are always seeking more knowledge about themselves and their environment. This knowledge gives them an edge over life challenges. Through this learning process, they know what works and what doesn’t. They grow. Most times, what separate successful people is their ability to hang on when others throw in the towel.  Though most of them are self-motivating, support and encouragement from mentors is also a major source of their strength.

Just like driving pass a bumpy road where some have passed without bursting their tires, the obstacle surmounted by successful people is a new challenge for people on a similar path. Isn’t it smart to learn from them and watch them cheer you on when the road gets tough and rough?

Everything is either an opportunity to grow, or an obstacle to keep you from growing. “Sometimes the one thing that you were searching for your entire life was right there in front of you the whole time.” (https://www.basicknowledge101.com/subjects/lifequotes.html)

Greatness is found in non-conformity to the limiting or damaging forces of the environment, and proper nurturing by mentors. It is a product of continuous learning and unlearning. You need to be open minded and thirst for life-transforming knowledge. Seek those who have it. Growth is inevitable when life is approached in this manner. And it is growth that ultimately brings fulfilment in life.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Everyone is born with, and has a potential.
• To get the best out of life, challenges needs to be embraced and explored for opportunities.
• Opportunities are created when potential is explored and maximized.
• Exploration and maximization of human potential is dependent on the internal (self-awareness, faith, genes) and external factors (people, events and circumstances).
• Human relationship is the most powerful external factor because we are influenced by the people in our lives.
• Aside from parents, mentors are one of the most important people in our lives.
• The smartest way to live is to learn from people who have succeeded in the area(s) you wish to succeed.

I have a feeling you are someone who wants to make every moment of your life count. Life becomes interesting when you grow and find fulfilment in what you do. Growth and fulfilment are the key words here. In the next chapter, you will discover two rules that delivers both.

Chapter 2

The two rules for growth and a fulfilling life

The earth was formless and empty, and darkness covered the deep waters. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the surface of the waters.

Genesis 1:2 (NLT)

All the things that we see today came out of nothing. I believe life can be as simple or complicated as we want it. You can create order and beauty out of nothing or chaos and meaningless complexity. In a few words from now, I will be introducing you to the two simple rules for growth and a fulfilling life. Do not be fooled by their simplicity. Though not impossible, many people find it difficult to practice. The hard way is not the only way.

But I fear, lest by any means, as the serpent beguiled Eve through his subtilty, so your minds should be corrupted from the simplicity that is in Christ.

2 Corinthians 11:3 (KJV)

Let’s go!

Rule Number 1: Don’t be fooled by your intelligence

We all have the ability to think. It is what we think about that differentiates us. Not only that, everyone has an inner sense of right and wrong. The ability to think and decipher what is right and wrong is very powerful. They are the foundation of human intelligence. Just like the tree of knowledge of good and evil in the bible, it could also be the forbidden fruit that corrupts the soul of man.  Because, over time, this ability and sense could form a matrix within which life is experienced and defined. It might make openness to relevant new experience difficult or impossible. Though human intelligence is vital for living, unbridled self-confidence can be a recipe for disaster.

You can rationalize it all you want and justify the path of error you have chosen, but you’ll find out in the end that you took the road to destruction.

Proverbs 14:12 (TPT)

According to the story of the first man in the bible, man was created and positioned in a garden where he had everything. He was assigned to take care of the garden and eat of the fruits of the trees there except that of a particular tree -the tree of the knowledge of Good and Evil. God told him that he would die if he ate from the forbidden tree. God, the creator knows what works and what doesn’t. The problem was that, the fruit of the forbidden tree was attractive. Adam and his wife, fell for the temptation to eat the fruit. Though he didn’t die physically, he lost the beautiful life that he once had. His potentials were limited. And he couldn’t complete the assignment that was handed over to him. Inability to fulfil human potential is a dimension of death. Every relationship, work, environment, information, whatever it might be that limits a person from maximizing potentials is a slow poison. It is wisdom not to be self-conceited but diligently find out what works and what doesn’t.

Extracting and refining petroleum is no longer a major challenge because different technologies and processes have been developed. If there is going to be anything new, it likely won’t be in violation of the already established principles and processes. Anyone who wants to make exploit in this industry must get these fundamentals right.

“One of the greatest tragedies in life is to watch potential die untapped.”

― Myles Munroe

The purpose of every man is to maximize the potentials that the creator has deposited in them. Therefore, a conscious effort at acquiring the relevant knowledge that will unleash potential is essential for growth and fulfilment in life.

Intelligence doesn’t lead to rational decisions and a better life, what does? Igor Grossmann, at the University of Waterloo in Canada, thinks we need to turn our minds to an age-old concept: “wisdom”.

https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20150413-the-downsides-of-being-clever

Socrates hit it when he said the wisest person really may be the one who can admit he knows nothing. How does someone who admits to know nothing be wisest?

Instead, God chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose things that are powerless to shame those who are powerful.

1 Corinthians 1:27 (NLT)

According to Wikipedia, Wisdom, sapience, or sagacity is the ability to think and act using knowledge, experience, understanding, common sense and insight. Wisdom is associated with attributes such as unbiased judgment, compassion, experiential self-knowledge, self-transcendence and non-attachment, and virtues such as ethics and benevolence. For the sake of simplicity, the Webster’s unabridged dictionary’s definition of wisdom as “knowledge, and the capacity to make due use of it.” would do. If knowledge was a basic ingredient of wisdom, how come a person who thinks he knows nothing is more likely to be a wise person? Life has proven overtime that the ability to acquire and apply knowledge and skills, known as intelligence does not guarantee success in life. The evidence is all around you. There are as many unproductive university graduates as their uneducated counterparts.

There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death.

Proverbs 14:12

There are many reasons intelligence is not directly proportional to success. I think it is a fundamental part of the divine design of how life works. Humans are designed to learn from one another and receive insights from God. This does not violate the right of man to knowledge.  It simply points to the non-omniscient nature of man. We are limited in one way or the other. Learning from others helps us to tap into the collective wisdom of the universal mind. People who have this understanding keep an open mind because they know they do not have the total understanding of all that they know or need to know. They are humble enough to know that there is more that can be done beyond that which they know or do. They are actively seeking out the custodians of wisdom. Anyone who has wisdom to share in any aspect of life is a potential mentor. Having a mentor is a special grace that is available to many but sought by few. It’s a little wonder the summit of life is not crowded.

Rule Number 2: Expose your ignorance

The beginning of an acquaintance whether with persons or things is to get a definite outline of our ignorance.

George Eliot

Most people find it difficult to have an open mind about issues of life by assuming a position of ‘wilful’ ignorance. The mindset of curiosity and openness that we all had as children has been lost to a gruelling adulthood. To awaken this essential state of mind,a deliberate attempt to not allow one’s experience and knowledge define the boundary of possibilities has to be made. Without this mindset, it is impossible to advance to the next essential level for attaining growth and fulfilment in life. Having an open mind is not as difficult as climbing a mountain, neither is exposing your ignorance about different aspects of life as intimidating flying to outer space. Humility and a strong desire to grow can deliver both without lifting a hammer. It is the man who assumes that he knows nothing that is not ashamed to ask deep seated meaningful questions. Some people might term those kinds of questions as ‘foolish’. Others are too ashamed or embarrassed to ask. So, they do what is convenient for them. They run in circles. Life has a way of exposing the real fools. In a world where having an expert status is a prestige, many have brought themselves embarrassment and the needless pain of learning the hard way. The hard way is not only way (this is the second time I’m saying this). Though it is often said that experience is the best teacher, you won’t like to get a divorce before learning about marriage. So, which is better- Learning from your own experience or learning from others?

Does any of these stories reverberate with you?

Where You Go, I Shall Go

Marriage is not a dream for little girls. Walking down the aisles and zooming off with a charming prince to live happily after is a beautiful imagination. When the groom is gone never to return, for a young bride, the dream of a beautiful life can suddenly become a mirage.

Ruth lost her husband, father and brother in-law in a survival adventure that ended tragic. The grief was not for her alone. Naomi, her aged mother in-law was alive to witness all of it. Both of them were left in the bubble of despair, trying to pierce through with the eyes of hope. Clinging to her mother in-law, she made a commitment to stick with her through thick and thin. Naomi is not the kind of person that would take advantage of a vulnerable young widow because she needed company. Being a widow herself, she knew the essence and value of family and did not want Ruth to miss out on life. Since Ruth has made up her mind to cling to her, she took it upon herself to ensure that she had a family of her own. Naomi helped her to navigate the intricacies of a foreign marriage tradition, positioning her for a perfect suitor. Boaz was not just a perfect gentleman; he was rich and God fearing. If you ask Ruth, whom later became the grand parent of Jesus Christ, she will tell you that dreams do come true.

There are many reasons why people give up on their dreams. It includes:

• Dashed hope
• Fear of being judged by those they care about for failing (those people might not even give a thought about them)
• living based on other people’s expectations
• not trying again after initial setbacks/rejection,
• wrong mindset about failure (failure is a feedback)
• lack of discipline
• caring more about results rather than process
• lack of self-confidence
• negative influence
• lack of clarity
• afraid of being misunderstood
• Lack of faith/desire for security
• short term rewards
• rigidity (failure to adjust expectation, shift and continue journey)
• Boredom
• loss of faith (https://www.inc.com/nicolas-cole/15-sad-reasons-people-give-up-on-their-dreams.html).

Professional health experts counsel against self-medication. In the matters of life, ‘self-diagnoses’ and ‘medication is vital’. Check the list above if you have any symptoms. Ruth overcame all of these with Naomi on her side.

Have you ever felt alone?

Do you feel like you don’t know where to start from?

Have you identified someone who has been through what you are going through?

If your answer to the third question and any one above is YES, then your days of misery is numbered.

Fisherman or Fisher of men

Have you ever felt like you were made for more than you are currently doing? You are not alone; Peter felt this way over two thousand years ago. He had spent many years pursuing a fishing career. He knew all the tricks and tips of the profession. One fateful night (the best time to fish) after several hours at sea fishing, he caught nothing. The following day, a fast-rising popular teacher, Jesus came to the lake side to teach the multitudes who were hungry for his words. The great teacher requested to use Peter’s idle boat as a podium for his engagement.  He willingly relinquished it. Afterwards, the discerning teacher asked Peter to plunge his net into the deep for a catch. He did not anticipate the net stretching catch that he had thereafter. Peter was definitely excited at the turn of event in his career. He could have seen that moment as a reassurance of his ‘bright future’ in the fishing business. And let the cycle of mystery continue. That day, he saw farther. When he heard the proposal “follow me and I will make you fishers of men” from the teacher who diverse people flock after, it resonated deeply with him. He knew he was made for more and did not hesitate to take a deep dive into the world of endless possibilities. Peter later became a great pillar of faith in the early church. His contributions and impact are still felt today.

Are you aware that there is more to life than what you are currently doing? 

Are you comfortable where you are?

Have you met or known people that makes you thirst for more?

If you answer Yes to at least two of the questions above, greatness is lurking around.

The CEO that felt stuck

Marc Benioff got his first job as a 19-year-old when he was in college. Today he is an internet entrepreneur, author, and philanthropist with a net worth of $7.6 billion. In the early 2000s, he felt stuck about the direction of his company, Salesforce. He headed straight back to where he started his career in search of a man, his name was Steve Jobs. Jobs gave him his first job as an assembly language programmer at Apple. Benioff kept in touch with Jobs over the years, especially during the time when he was starting up a cloud-based software company. Many years after that meeting, he admitted to interviewers that the meeting changed the course of his business and was pivotal to its survival.

 (https://www.inc.com/peter-economy/this-salesforce-ceo-felt-stuck-here-is-business-advice-steve-jobs-gave-him-that-changed-everything)

Have you ever felt stuck and needed someone to talk to for fresh ideas?

Do you feel you are not getting tangible advice from your current circle of influence?

If you answer YES to at least one of these questions, you are ready to make life transforming progress.

Do feel alone in the journey of life (Jonathan and David)?

Mentoring in the Old Testament (6 of 7) – Jonathan and David

 He was a lonely shepherd boy, the youngest of his father’s children. Nobody ever thought he would be king. Not even the prophet that went to anoint him. How could he be king when a ruling king was still alive? He was not qualified to be recruited into the national army and fight for his country. Instead, David was sent on errands to take food to his elder brothers at the battle field. That battle was at a standstill. The general of the enemy’s army, an about six feet, six inches tall giant taunted the nation of Israel repeatedly. Goliath challenged the nation of Israel to present just one man who could challenge him to combat in a victor-vanquished decider. As the fear and anxiety in the Israel camp grew, David’s faith soared. Nobody knew David had ever wrestled and killed wild animals while protecting his father’s animals. He felt if he did it before, he could do it again. The King gave him the nod to approach Goliath. Alas! At the end of the duel, the giant’s head was hanging on a pole. David’s new found celebrity status soon attracted the king’s jealousy, turning him to a fugitive. Amidst all of these, he found an unusual friend, the son of the King who wanted him dead. David and Jonathan made a solemn agreement that bound them together as friends (1 Samuel 18: 1-5). He was there for David all along the way. Even when it became obvious to him that David will succeed his father as the king, he decided to sacrifice his rightful ambition to the throne and put his weight behind David. Though it seemed like the world was against David, Jonathan saw his great faith. He remembered how unlike his father and his army, David was undaunted by Goliath’s colossal size (1 Samuel 17:45-47), he was a true champion – a leader.

Do you have an inner conviction of greatness?

Do you feel underappreciated?

Do you feel alone?

If you answer YES to at least two of the questions above, greatness is calling to you.

The farm boy who became an international preacher (Billy Graham and John Minder https://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2018/billy-graham/billy-graham-childhood-farm-north-carolina.html )

Billy Graham grew up on a farmland in Charlotte, a sleepy town in North Carolina, USA. He made a decision to follow Christ in the fall of 1934. In 1937, while studying at Florida bible institute he met John Minder, an academic dean.  One fateful day, John Minder, brought Billy with him on an Easter jaunt to a Baptist conference center in Palatka, Florida where John was invited to preach. Without prior notice, John announced that Bill will take the message. Bill could not decline and when it was time, stood before a small group of Baptist preachers reciting from a sermon book he had memorized. Though it was an awkward debut, that experience gave him the very much needed awakening and push to becoming a masterful preacher who preached to millions of people globally through the media and his evangelistic outreaches. Bill Graham died at the ripe age of 100 in 2018 as an accomplished preacher, a presidential medal of freedom (America’s highest civilian recognition) award recipient, a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, received a Congressional Gold Medal of Honour, was added into the Gospel Music Hall of Fame among several other recognitions.

 Do you have someone who is encouraging you try new things?

 Do you oblige when they do?

Do you see those experiences has worth having?

If you answer YES to at least 2 of the questions above, greatness is already holding your hand.

The young man needed some stirring

I remember your genuine faith, for you share the faith that first filled your grandmother Lois and your mother, Eunice. And I know that same faith continues strong in you.

2 Timothy 1:5

Timothy’s life obviously had admirable fruits, proof of his conversion to Christianity but had to be reminded by Paul, an older evangelist, of the faith of his mother and grandmother. His grandmother successfully passed on the faith to her daughter (Timothy’s mother). This virtue is such a lovely virtue. It must not end with Timothy.

This is why I remind you to fan into flames the spiritual gift God gave you when I laid my hands on you

2 Timothy 1:6

Paul encouraged him to deliberately live his life, burning for God. Thank God he did. Timothy became a great evangelist without blemish, making great impact. Paul’s letter to him were collated as to chapters in the world bestselling book ever – the bible.

Do you want to be in continuous growth mode?

Do you get beat up emotionally because you set goals and fall short?

Do you have someone who encourages you to move ahead in life?

If you answer YES to at least two question above, your change is closer than you think

How prepared are you for leadership?

“Moses my servant is dead. Therefore, the time has come for you to lead these people, the Israelites, across the Jordan River into the land I am giving them.

Joshua 1:2 (NLT)

Joshua was a young man, who had functioned as Moses right hand man for a very long time. He was also an ex spy for the nation of Israel that Moses was leading. Moses had been grooming him for leadership. When Moses died suddenly very close to the promised land, the stakes were high. God had to remind him that Moses was dead. The weight of the nation was thrust on his shoulders.

Have you been groomed by someone for a leadership role?

Have you been called upon for a leadership role?

Do you feel ‘overwhelmed’ by your new role?

If you answer YES to at least two of the questions above, you are a potential leader.

What is common to all the characters in the story above? They all got help! Wisdom is knowing that you need help and getting it from the right person.

Back to Wisdom

Get wisdom! Get understanding! Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore, get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding.

Proverbs 4:5, 7

Abide by the two simple rules for growth and a fulfilling life. Open your life to priceless wisdom. As you navigate the challenges in your environment and access opportunities, you need a safety net- Wisdom.

Tune your ears to wisdom, and concentrate on understanding. Cry out for insight,

and ask for understanding. Search for them as you would for silver; seek them like hidden treasures.

Proverbs 2:2-4

A deliberate attempt has to be made at attaining wisdom. Do you know where wisdom lives? It resides in the minds of humans like you. The ability to recognize wisdom at work in the lives of others and being humble enough to approach them is also wisdom. Queen Sheba fits the picture of someone who had the eyes and the heart for wisdom. This account from 1 Kings 10:1-10 tells it all:

When the queen of Sheba heard about the fame of Solomon and his relationship to the Lord, she came to test Solomon with hard questions.  Arriving at Jerusalem with a very great caravan—with camels carrying spices, large quantities of gold, and precious stones—she came to Solomon and talked with him about all that she had on her mind. Solomon answered all her questions; nothing was too hard for the king to explain to her. When the queen of Sheba saw all the wisdom of Solomon and the palace he had built, the food on his table, the seating of his officials, the attending servants in their robes, his cupbearers, and the burnt offerings he made at[a] the temple of the Lord, she was overwhelmed.

She said to the king, “The report I heard in my own country about your achievements and your wisdom is true.  But I did not believe these things until I came and saw with my own eyes. Indeed, not even half was told me; in wisdom and wealth you have far exceeded the report I heard. How happy your people must be! How happy your officials, who continually stand before you and hear your wisdom! Praise be to the Lord your God, who has delighted in you and placed you on the throne of Israel. Because of the Lord’s eternal love for Israel, he has made you king to maintain justice and righteousness.”

And she gave the king 120 talents of gold, large quantities of spices, and precious stones. Never again were so many spices brought in as those the queen of Sheba gave to King Solomon.

If you want to maximize your potentials, you need a have clear vision of who you are and what you want. Like Queen of Sheba, you have to know where to look and be ready to pay the price. The obstacle between the ‘who’ and ‘what’ is the way to working your potentials and creating opportunities.  When you are ready to take on your mountain, remember that you need wisdom. You need a mentor (you can get the book- Practical steps to finding a mentor for further insights on this).

The toil of a fool wearies him, for he does not know the way to the city.

Ecclesiastes 10:15 (ESB)

On your way to your dream ‘city’ do not be that man or woman who is speeding in the wrong direction on the wheel of ignorance. Do not reinvent the wheel. Tap into the knowledge and expertise of a mentor to get there faster.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Though Human Intelligence is vital for living, unbridled self-confidence can be a recipe for disaster.
• Humans are designed to learn from one another and receive insight from God.
• Wise people keep an open mind because they know they do not have the total understanding of all that they know or need to know.
• Do not allow your experience and knowledge define the boundary of possibilities.
• Learning from the relevant experience of others is vital to growth and fulfilment.
• If you want to maximize your potentials, you need a have clear vision of who you are and what you want.

People who live by the instruction above enjoys a special intervention by mentors that brings unprecedent growth and fulfilment in life. The next chapter unveils the forms in which the intervention is delivered.

CHAPTER 3

Mentors as intervention to growth and fulfilment

We surround ourselves with what is better or see other people as role models. You go, “If they can do this, so can I.” That starts to trigger people, as well.

Tony Robbins

All the potentials in a person are impotent until the moment the person says to his or herself- ‘I Can’. Most people never get to this point. They will rather keep saying ‘I will’ and never do anything. To such people, success becomes an illusion or better still, a mystery. One of the means to taking away this veil is to meet someone whose life expresses the glory of that which we desire. This glory becomes more alluring when you discover that this person is just an ‘ordinary’ flesh and blood like you. Success is eventually demystified when you begin to see the differences in the way they think and act compared to yourself. Such people who are able to change our lives are mentors.  Mentorship is an intervention to growth. Success will stop being a mystery to you once you have a mentor. When you consider the intended purpose and function of mentorship, you will have little doubt about your success. Mentors help to fill the gap between who you are and who you should become, and what you are doing and what you should be doing. This is possible because they offer:

Psychosocial Support

The term ‘psychosocial’ refers to the dynamic relationship between the psychological dimension of a person and the social dimension of a person. The psychological dimension includes the internal, emotional and thought processes, feelings and reactions, and the social dimension includes relationships, family and community network, social values and cultural practices. ‘Psychosocial support’ refers to the actions that address both psychological and social needs of individuals, families and communities. (Psychosocial interventions. A Handbook, page 25.)

Mentors offers a combined emotional and social support. How you feel about yourself and the world around you will affect your productivity. Words of encouragement, support and knowing someone’s got your back can make a huge difference in anyone’s life. All you need sometimes is someone who will tell you how great you or your idea is. Mentors are active listeners, a priceless virtue in a world where most people want to speak at the same time and none hearing each other.

Role modelling

Most creative minds know the importance of having a standard reference for what they want to create. Such a reference stimulates desire. A sustained desire is the starting point for any meaningful change. Mentors are images of what mentees want to become. As the mentee continuously beholds the mentor in words and action, it makes the ‘dream’ clearer and the pathway easier. Mentors serve as a guide for mentees’ behaviour, values, and attitudes. Mentees benefit from engaging with mentor who shares values and deep-level similarity with them. I came across this beautiful story about the effect of a role model on the internet and I thought it would be nice I share. It goes thus:

A certain king had a son. Although in his late teens, the son looked very small and bony. His spindling legs, sunk chest, thready muscles and a poor stamina to match, indicated that he needed help. The royal doctor suggested nutritious food and tonics to vitalise the young prince, but nothing worked. He still remained weak and under-developed. The king became very worried and wanted a solution. One day, as good luck would have it, a wandering monk came to the king’s palace. He was given a warm welcome and was accommodated in the royal guest house. The monk, endowed with a keen power of observation, soon learnt of the king’s worry and offered to help the young prince. He asked the king to send for the royal sculptor. When the sculptor arrived, the monk asked him to carve out a statue of a fully grown up, well-built man. He wanted a full-size statue with perfectly formed muscles and biceps, well expressed in it. The sculptor followed the instructions and made the statue ready in a short time. ‘Look here, young man,’ the monk addressed the young prince, ‘you must keep this statue in your room and look at it as often as you can.’ Thus saying, the monk went away. The young prince, having placed the statue in his room, would look at the statue every day. When he got up in the morning, he looked at the statue. As he walked in and out of the room, he looked at the statue. While sitting, studying, eating, resting, all through the day, his eyes fell on the statue. ‘Can I too have a well-formed and beautiful body as this?’ the prince asked himself one day. He had developed a desire to be what he admired. Soon, he learnt how to do physical exercises, how to lift weights, flex his muscles and follow other related rules of body building. Within a few months, the skinny, bony, young man was transformed into a strong, well-formed muscular figure. The statue had transformed a weakling into a strong man, just a statue.

(http://topmoralstories.blogspot.com/2007/08/story-of-role-model.html)

Isn’t it amazing how Role models can help to transform human potential (that would have remained latent( for life) to greatness?

Career guidance       

Mentors provide support for assessing and choosing an academic and career path by evaluating the mentees’ strengths, weaknesses, interests, and abilities. A Mentor’s role includes

helping mentees reflect and think critically about goals; facilitating mentees’ reflection on and exploration of their interests, abilities, beliefs, and ideas; reviewing mentees’ progress toward goals; challenging mentees’ decisions or avoidance of decisions; and

helping mentees to realize their professional aspirations.

Samuel had an early start in life. His mother had fulfilled the promise she made to dedicate him to the service of God as a barren woman. He served and learnt in the temple under the leadership of high priest Eli.  He slept in the temple. There is no little doubt that he was dedicated to the job. But he lacked one vital skill. A priest should be able to hear God. Samuel couldn’t differentiate the voice of God from that of Man. He couldn’t recognise the still small voice until one faithful day when God reached out to him. Thinking it was Eli calling, he went to his room. After three attempts, Eli knew it was God and taught Samuel how to respond. Samuel’s ministry took off from there.

Mentors teach mentees how to ‘respond’ to career demands when it calls. Sometimes, it takes only a right or wrong call to send a person to a new career height or low.

Skill development    

Mentors educate, evaluate, and challenge mentees academically and professionally; tutor or provide training; and focus on subject learning. This education can be delivered through apprenticeship, discipleship or regular meeting and coaching. Jesus Christ imparted his disciples with soul winning skills, Warren Buffet learnt value investing from his lecturer and mentor, Benjamin Graham and the list goes on and on. The best in every field have mentors who helped them learn and sharpen their skills. Tigerwoods was taught golf by his father, likewise the Williams sisters. Remember that talent/potential is untapped, raw and attractive.  Without skills development, the world would have missed out on some of the beautiful experience that people with skills have expressed. And these skilful people would also miss the joy of fulfilment.

Sponsorship  

Mentors publicly acknowledge the achievements of mentees and advocate for them.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK552775/). As a sponsor, mentors actively seek out and facilitate opportunities for their mentees because they believe the mentee is capable to live up to expectations. And sometimes, it results in the mentee supporting and driving the mentor’s vision. Outgoing leaders or executives often sponsor a potential successor and make them ‘attractive’ so they can pull the necessary weight needed to move the organization forward. 

In what seems like a ‘unspiritual’ move which violated the Mosaic law (God forbade the Jews from marrying the heathens), Mordecai encouraged Hadassah, that is, Esther, his late uncle’s daughter to join the Miss Persian Pageantry. The event was designed to select a new wife for the king. The girls who did not win the contest would end up as the king’s concubine (deeper mess, I think). It was an unprecedented and strategic move that brought the humiliated and downtrodden exiled Jewish people to position of influence. When Haman, the right-hand man of the king wanted to exterminate the Jews, his power could not match the grace upon Esther and the love that the king had towards her. Instead of wiping out an exiled nation, Haman and his family ended up dead instead. The victory for the Jewish people, all started with Mordecai, a prominent leader of that community and the little, Esther, who was under his care. When she became queen, at the heat of the moment the Jews were marked for extermination, Mordecai stepped in again to remind her of the privilege she now enjoyed, the purpose of her life and the effect her influence could make over the entire Jewish nation. And Mordecai was appointed as a high ranking official in the kingdom. What a happy ending.

If you keep quiet at a time like this, deliverance and relief for the Jews will arise from some other place, but you and your relatives will die. Who knows if perhaps you were made queen for just such a time as this?”

Esther 4:14(NIV)

The Ultimate goal in mentorship

Have you ever imagined how a football game will look like without a goal post? The run on the pitch will become random, mindless and cold. The energy of the athletes and the excitement of the crowd (I doubt if there will be any to cheer the athletes) will wane like an overnight candle. The sweats will be worthless. The game will become a mind-numbing energy-draining activity. No goals, no rewards. No rewards, no enthusiasm. 

An average millionaire agrees with the greatest teacher the world has ever known, Jesus Christ when He said ‘the life of a man is not in the abundance of the things that he has’. When the chips are down, it doesn’t matter whether a man was a billionaire, or a president. The titles are no consolation in the face of death. The warmth of a loving family and beautiful memories or assurance of a life well invested can make a person numb to the cold hands of death in the final moments of life. It is what a man becomes that determines his ultimate destiny.

The ultimate goal of mentorship is very clear. It is to raise a total man.

Tunde is a bright young man, who had a good start in life. Being the first child in a family of three, he was a natural-born leader.  He went through secondary school effortlessly, graduated from the university with a first-class degree.  In fact, he graduated as the best student in his department.  But that was about where Tunde’s good qualities ended. He was self-centred, arrogant, cruel and immoral. In the physical and superficial things of life, Tunde ticked the boxes. However, he lacked the depth- the other ingredients that makes a total man. Beneath the degrees, awards, fast cars and sharp suits who are you?

Do you have positive and powerful belief systems that is evident in your outer life?  Do you have peace within and do you follow peace with all men?  What experience do you leave people with when they encounter you or your works?

“For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, but lose his soul?”

– Mark 8:36.

Is it a bad thing to gain the whole world? NO. Is it a terrible thing to lose the soul? YES. As much as we love the good things of life – the fame, the name, the power, it is imperative that we do not forget the soul, which is what really matters.

The total man is the one who has the physical and spiritual aspects of his life under control and developed. His decisions are well ordered by both his intellect and his soul. A great mentor will not only raise men and women who would excel in their professional lives, but also in their spiritual lives. Men who can walk with their heads held high in the society, who can be trusted to raise the next generation of leaders through continuous value-based mentoring as promoted by TheMentormorphosis.org

Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.

– 3 John 2

There are seven days in a week, each comes with its own duties and responsibilities. Some come with work responsibilities, some with family/domestic responsibilities and others with spiritual responsibilities. The total man is the one who can face each day with its responsibilities squarely in the face. He is balanced and well organized. How organized are you?

 A total man is a responsible husband or wife. A dependable parent. A great entrepreneur or a professional who can be trusted to deliver the best.  He or she is also a respected leader in the society. Becoming a total man requires a conscious and continuous effort. It demands a constant awareness of the things beyond the physical. A total man lives in the consciousness of a higher power to which he will be accountable to. Anyone with the attributes mentioned above would make a well-ordered decision, and lead a life worth living. Such a person will never be found in the midst of corruption or moral decadence but will be known to put a stop to it wherever it is found. There is a sharp distinction between the total man and other people. A total man lives a meaningful life. When such persons die, their memories remain sweet in the hearts of the people they have touched.

Great Mentors make the development of a total man the ultimate goal of the mentoring relationship. They have a total man in view when they meet a prospective mentee. Likewise, a mentee must aspire to become a total man and be ready to pay the price and make the necessary adjustments. A mentee must look for mentors who do not cut corners but believe in the concept of a total man.

Why Mentoring works

All of my mentors in their own way personified excellence and courage, shared and instilled a vision and hope of what could be, not what was.  What they all had in common was their respectful treatment of me. They expressed   no sense of limits on my potential or on who

they thought I could become…

Lanterns, A Memoir of Mentors

by Marion Wright Edelman

People believe and choose mentoring relationships because a mentor helps the mentee see the bigger picture of his/her contributions (to the world) by providing honest, constructive feedback, and offers open-minded advice (https://www.nature.com/articles/s41556-018-0041-3).Mentors help people to live a meaningful and purposeful life. They provide the ‘map’ and the ‘compass’ for a mentee’s ‘life exploration’. The possibility picture that the life of a mentor paints stirs up faith in the life of a mentee, giving them the paint and the brush needed to paint theirs. After all we are humans, if someone else can, so can we. It doesn’t just end there.

A mentor puts the mentee through the process that brought them to where they are. You see, even sometimes when people know what they want and believe in its possibility, they get stuck or give up on the process.  Good results are desirable in every worthy venture, but “over fixation” on results without counting the costs and staying the process brings people to nowhere or somewhere undesirable. A mentor helps you to count the cost and stay the process. Counting the cost is a form of preparation, a vital element of planning. It might involve knowledge of the skill to acquire, customers to acquire, products to develop, whatever it is that is needed for a fair-weather sailing. Basically, they are things that must work for other things to work – very few people have access to that. Knowing these things will separate you from lots of people running in darkness towards the wall.

 Behind the glory that makes a mentor ‘attractive’ is the ashes of all that they had to sacrifice. Was it easy? No. They probably missed the road a couple of times and nearly gave up, but they have gotten to a beautiful destination anyway. Now, they know what works and what doesn’t. They know the bridges to cross and even where the traps are. You see, that will save you lots of needless pain and wasted investments. Though nothing comes easy, if a mentor had it hard, yours shouldn’t be that hard. A mentor shows you the costs so you don’t overpay and walk you through the curves so you don’t get stuck.

He who fails to plan is planning to fail

Winston Churchill

When you are ready to run with your vision under the watchful eyes of a mentor, a mentor ‘pushes’ you to action by agreeing with you short and long-term goals that will keep you focused. At this point, mentors would not go to the stand to watch, they stay by the track helping you to stay through different forms of accountability structures. These structures include regular meetings, calls, conversations and any other activity that will help both of you to evaluate progress and celebrate wins, analyse shortcomings and recommend actions for improvement.

Though mentors will not be there for you at all times (only God can), they can equip you with mental frameworks, decision making models and other means of making sound judgement. Very few things make a mentor more proud than seeing a mentee leading a great life through maximizing the sound instructions and virtues that have been imparted.

How mentoring works (initiating and nurturing)

If you haven’t ‘fallen in love’ with mentors at this point, I might as well give up on you (just kidding!). Mentoring is a life nourishing relationship. To harness the benefits, it is important to understand the role and the interests of the mentee/mentor.

The mentee brings certain motivations and attitudes to the interactions with the mentor (Lunsford, Laura. (2011). Psychology of Mentoring: The Case of Talented College Students. Journal of Advanced Academics. 22. 474-498. 10.1177/1932202X1102200305.). The desirable attributes for mentees include:curiosity, enthusiasm, commitment to vision, being personable, love of learning,open/reflective to feedback, resilience, responsibility for their learning,accountability and many more. A mentee is expected to always prepare for meetings with a mentor.

Since it is a mentee that needs help, mentoring relationship is mentee driven, and a win-win relationship. The value a mentee gets comes in packets of wisdom and actionable insights, while mentors get recognition and a sense of fulfilment from the relationship. To achieve the purpose for which the relationship exists, clear definition of roles and functions must be established and adhered to. The basic factors that makes other human relationship to work like effective communication, trust and mutual respect are essential for mentoring relationship too. Most people find it easier to talk than to listen. Listening skills is vital in mentoring relationships. Proper listening enables mutual understanding which activates faith. Mentor must understand and appreciate the peculiarities of the mentee, as this will enable the mentor to efficiently meet the needs of the mentee. Likewise, the mentee must pay careful attention to what a mentor says and do, and be moved to action. The mentee should listen to the mentor and take them seriously. That doesn’t mean following every bit of advice according to the mentor’s specification, mentees must consider and discuss their own uniqueness with the mentor.

Before every interaction with a mentor, a mentee would have to think about the issues to discuss and bring their initial analysis to the table. The mentor can then bring their own analysis and contributions in the ensuing conversation. 

A mentor finds out what exactly the mentee has been doing in the aspect(s) of their lives where they need help. This enables mentors to find out if the mentee is actually doing what is expected of them now, help them adjust or finetune if necessary and develop a long-term plan. After the plan is well defined and goal(s) made plain, the mentor begins to give the adequate support that mentees need to get to their desired destination. The support can come in the form of information, introduction to other people, exposing mentees to existing opportunities and warnings about potential dangers and many more.

The role of the mentor I think is really to be a guardian angel so what I mean by this is your guardian angel prevents you from hitting yourself when you know something is falling from the sky … moves you. Keeps you out of trouble and also makes the environment suitable for you to grow.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3665769/

Your guardian angel(s) isn’t in heaven.  If you look around, he or she is closer than you think. If I were to write in a sentence what a mentor does to (for) you. This is it: To help you have a happy ending. Who doesn’t like a happy ending?

Love Happy Endings?

As a tree produces fruit, wisdom gives life to those who use it, and everyone who uses it will be happy.

Proverbs 3:18

Most of us love happy ending movies, the reality is that at the end of some we wish we could be happier. The movie directors are just being real. Life and its circumstances don’t always have a happy ending. Though not an easy pill to swallow, there are often lessons to learn even from the most distasteful experiences. When such lessons are applied and acted upon, it becomes wisdom to you. It is when you reap the fruits of wisdom, you get the ‘happy after’ moment.  This moment will rarely elude those who live by the two laws of fulfilling life and growth. Great life transformation happens when you are humble enough not to be fooled by your intelligence. You experience growth when you expose your ignorance.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Proverb 3:5-6

Though the object of your utmost trust should be God, there are people that God has placed the burden of your destiny upon.  He has blessed them with wisdom for your sake. Permit me to say, most times, they have made the mistakes you are supposed to make in ‘advance’ so you don’t have to make same.   They love you unconditionally and hope that you succeed. When you meet them, you have to submit to their discipline. Do not lean on your understanding. Ask for directions from them and you will be amazed at how illuminated your paths will become. This is how life is designed to work. Will you embrace it? If money don’t grow on trees, wisdom won’t either. It is a fruit of a long process of maturation and experience available for those who seek for it.

Mentors are a safety net for avoiding the violation of the two rules for growth and a fulfilling life. They are pillars of support and the custodians of wisdom. This wisdom can be tapped by listening to their wise counsel, direction, and rebuke. Their lives are also a living letter for those who have their eyes open.

My child, hold on to wisdom and good sense. Don’t let them out of your sight. They will give you life and beauty like a necklace around your neck.  Then you will go your way in safety, and you will not get hurt.

Proverb 3:21-23

The Esther Advantage

Esther (I mentioned her earlier) was an orphan girl who became a queen in a foreign country and delivered her people from extermination. How did a multiple disadvantaged girl get to such an enviable position with great power and influence?  She had a mentor! A mentor plays multiple roles in the life of a mentee. In Mordecai her uncle, Esther had a:

Protector: Esther couldn’t have had a more ‘harder’ childhood. She probably lost her parents during the invasion of their country. Being an orphan in strange land would have added salt to her injury. Having an uncle who was there for her was a huge relief and consolation. Despite a humble beginning, Mordecai raised a humble but confident lady.

Sponsor:Mordecai encouraged her to join the beauty pageant that she eventually won. Being a servant at the gate of palace, he would have put out words for her.

Spiritual mentor:By declaring prayer and fasting when she decided to take a grave risk to liberate her people, Esther showed that she has been taught the habit and power of prayer. She was not supposed to appear before the king uninvited. The penalty was death. When she appeared before the King to plead the cause of her people, the favour she received confirms the answered prayers.

Coach: Mordecai encouraged her to take a stand for her people. She could have sat in her queen comfort zone. Isn’t that what coaches do? They push you to take the right actions.

Teacher: The values and etiquette that Mordecai taught her enabled her to stand out and find favour among the other girls that participated in the pageantry.

Accountability partner: Esther found in Mordecai someone she was accountable to. Even as a queen, she still listened to him and his assessment of her purpose as a queen.

A prayer partner: When Esther announced prayer and fasting, Mordecai was the first person to agree to it. He also helped to spread the message to the remaining Jewish people.

Collaborator: Mordecai instructed Esther not to reveal her identity during the pageantry. It was part of their strategy for winning. It surely payed off.

Inspiring model: Mordecai refusing to bow to Haman, the cruel hater of the Jewish people must have emboldened Esther to do same.

I dare you to give just one example of someone who had the ‘Esther advantage’ but failed to succeed.

 The type of mentoring relationship between Esther and Mordechai is called individual or personal mentoring. Mentoring also works in group, this is why top organization bet on mentorship as a path to a sustainable future.

KEY TAKEWAYS

• Success is no longer a mystery once you have a mentor
• Mentors offer psychosocial support to their mentees
• Mentors are great role models
• Mentors offer their mentees career guidance
• Mentors helped mentees to develop valuable life skills.
• Mentors actively seek out and facilitate opportunities for their Mentees that will add value to the mentee and make them ‘attractive’
• The ultimate goal of mentorship is to raise a total man
• Mentoring works because mentors paint a picture of possibility that inspires faith in the Mentee.
• Mentoring usually begins with initiation of the relationship but requires nurturing for the desired fruits to be produced.
• Mentoring delivers the ‘Esther advantage’ to Mentees.

In the next chapter, you will discover the mentoring options you have to choose from. See you there!

Chapter 4

Types of mentoring

What is good for the goose is good for the gander- individuals and groups can benefit from mentoring. Paul mentored Timothy, and Jesus mentored the twelve disciples. As long as there is a goal to achieve, a potential to actualize or a dream to fulfil mentoring is needed. Individual mentoring exists between two individuals (a mentor and a mentee), while group mentoring involves more than two people. Both can be formal and informal.

Organization or Group mentoring

To achieve organizational goals, everyone on the team must be clear about the collective goals, their role, and perform to the best of their abilities. When these basics are not gotten right, the organization as a whole underperforms. To get it right, forward thinking organizations have discovered and practiced organizational or what is often referred to as group mentoring. It is weaved into their structural fibre, enabling them to be agile and resilient in a fast-changing world. Better experienced people across the organizational ladder are often pooled together to help the upcoming ones. Some organizations even encourage what is called peer to peer mentoring, which is a kind of mentoring where peers in an organization leverage on each other’s strength to mentor each other in the areas where they are deficient. Right from onboarding of a new staff to the appointment of a new CEO, mentoring has become the chisel that makes a round peg that fits into the round hole.

There are two kinds of support that mentors provide in organizational settings: psychosocial and career. Psychosocial support refers to activities like role modelling, acceptance, counselling, and friendship. Career support refers to activities such as sponsorship, coaching, protection, and challenging assignments (Kram, K. E. (1985). Mentoring at work: Developmental relationships in organizational life. Glenview, IL: Scott, Foresman, and Company). Organizations differs in work environment and culture. Likewise, people differ in the way they adapt to their environment and culture. Therefore, it is imperative that organizations deliver psychosocial support as part of their corporate growth strategy. It helps people to adjust properly, build meaningful relationship and connections that will increase their self-esteem, boost their performance, and improve the overall organization’s performance.

 When people have whom to seek direction from within an organizational setting, it encourages optimal performance, reduce unproductive work hours and increase the speed of service delivery. Having role models as mentorswithin an organization presents an enviable image and status that motivates others to aim for greatness and get better at whatever it is that they do for the organization.

Organizations can also benefit from a mentor that is not in-house. One of the biggest Software as a Service (SaaS) business in the world, Sales got the idea for AppExchange, an Appstore which one of its biggest and profitable platforms after a meeting with their mentor- Steve Jobs. Benioff, Harris and fellow co-founder Dave Moellenhoff took a trip to Cupertino in 2003 to meet with Jobs. At that meeting, the legendary CEO gave the trio some sage advice: to really grow and develop as a company, Salesforce needed to develop a cloud software ecosystem. While that’s something that’s a given for enterprise SaaS companies today, it was new to Benioff and his team in 2003(https://techcrunch.com/2020/01/02/the-story-of-why-marc-benioff-gifted-the-appstore-com-domain-to-steve-jobs/

).  The number of participants in group mentoring varies depending on the model and structure put in place by the mentor. Thementormorphosis.org, a platform set up by my organization runs on the 12 D model which is patterned after the model that Jesus adopted while on earth. It involves a mentor and a group of 12 mentees. Great things happen when team members drink from the same fountain of wisdom. The twelve disciples of Jesus Christ were radically transformed after being with him. They were described as ‘those that turned the world upside down’. And in a place called Antioch, they were described as ‘Christ-like’, the origin of the word – Christian. The movement that erupted from this group mentoring is still waxing stronger with billions of members globally. One of the advantages of group mentoring is its multiplier effect. The mentor is able to reach more than one people at the same time. And they can in turn mentor others. It saves time and energy that mentoring requires. Group mentoring can exist in any establishment that has a team and a goal to achieve.

Individual mentoring

This is the kind of mentoring that most people are used to. It involves only two people- the mentor and a mentee. It is the first example of mentoring that exists.  God mentored Adam in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 3:8). Moses mentored Joshua (Numbers 27:12-23), Elisha was prepared for his prophetic ministry through his close relationship with the prophet Elijah. When Elijah was taken up into heaven, his mantle fell on Elisha and he received a double portion of his mentor’s spirit (1 Kings 19 and 2 Kings2), Naomi helped Ruth, her Moabite daughter in-law to navigate the laws and customs of the Israelites (Ruth 1-4), Barnabas mentored Paul (formerly Saul) as a new Christian (Acts 4, 9, and 11), Paul had a strong mentoring relationship with Timothy. It was like a “Father-Son” relationship (1 & 2 Timothy) and many more.

In Marc Benioff’s book, Trailblazer, he tells the tale of how Steve Jobs planted the seeds of the idea that would become the first enterprise app store, and how Benioff eventually paid Jobs back with the gift of the AppStore.com domain (https://techcrunch.com/2020/01/02/the-story-of-why-marc-benioff-gifted-the-appstore-com-domain-to-steve-jobs/). Bill Gates has severally admitted to the mentoring and friend role that the oracle of Omaha, Warren Buffet played in his life. From homes to schools and other aspects of life, personal or individual have raised men and women who can hold their ground and stand tall among equals.

Distance Mentoring

A mentoring relationship in which the two parties (or group) are in different locations, sometimes called “virtual” mentoring or e-mentoring. It started with letters that took ‘ages’ to be delivered followed by fax. The advent of the telephone upped the game. Now, the revolution in information technology has expanded the horizon for distance mentoring. Time and space are no longer an excuse for people in need of mentors. Communication tools like zoom, google meet, and others can connect people globally in a blink. There are also platforms that connect mentees to mentors and vice versa, such platforms include GrowthMentor, MicroMentor, Clarity, Thementormorphosis.org and others.

Hybrid Mentoring

Mentoring can be a blend of the three types stated above. A mentor might have personal mentoring session with an individual in the group. Some mentoring platforms also combine both. Mentor and mentee in a distant mentoring relation might arrange for meetings at an agreed venue once in a while. Mentoring types are not rigid, when the types morphs, hybrid mentoring emerges.

Organizational Mentoring versus Individual Mentoring

This is not your typical compare and contrast. Both forms of mentoring are very important but operate in specific ways that differentiates them.

The more participants in a mentoring group, the more complex the people dynamics which usually results in less learning and development for the individual. Additionally, group mentoring is significantly different from one-to-one or individual mentoring and requires a different skillset and a different set of tools from the mentor. While on the other hand, group mentoring also provides a great opportunity to accustom the participants to the process of co-learning and helping others to learn while taking responsibility for their own learning [https://kmpplus.com/group-mentoring-becomes-more-and-more-popular/#:~:text=The%20more%20participants%20in%20a,of%20tools%20for%20the%20mentor.].

Group mentoring widens the learning opportunities of the participant because mentees gain insight from the mentor as well as from their peer. The participants are able to share dreams and ambitions, validating each other and encouraging one another. Group mentoring gives room for expression of diverse thoughts and ideas.  It helps the participants to appreciate diverse opinions and enjoy the beauty in diversity of ideas.

The downside of group mentoring is that the relationship can become less personal and the participants might not open up on sensitive issues.  The mentor-mentee ratio can make the fight for the mentor’s attention intense, leading to unhealthy competition or rivalry. These are great inhibitions to learning and collaboration. Since each member has different needs that must be taken into consideration, having a ‘me’ time with the mentor might be difficult.

Unlike group mentoring, individual mentoring provides a mentee with the one-on-one personal attention which can deepen the relationship. A strong mentor-mentee relationship promotes commitment and accountability which are a backbone for the effectiveness of the relationship. The outcome from both individual and group mentoring is hugely dependent on the participants. The experience of the mentor and the attitude of the mentee(s) is the most critical success factor.

No matter the type of mentoring that is being practised, the four ingredients for success in life is required. They are a goal or vision, the pathway to achieving it, a dedicated mentor and the will to succeed by the mentee.

Mentorship Stages

Life is in phases; men are in sizes.

Bishop David Oyedepo

If Rome was not built in a day, why should a relationship differ? A life transforming relationship like mentorship does not just happen. It takes a deliberate and calculated effort and commitment. You can’t force it to happen just because you desire it.  No elevators here. You have to take the stairs.

A Ground-breaking research published in 1985 conceptualized four sequential stages through which mentoring relationships evolve based on qualitative research in organizational settings (Kram, 1985a):

1. Initiation, when mentors and mentees form expectations and get to know one another

2. Cultivation, when the relationship matures and mentors typically provide the greatest degree of psychosocial and career support

3. Separation, when mentees seek autonomy and more independence from mentors

4. Redefinition, when mentors and mentees transition into a different form of relationship characterized by more peer-like interactions or terminate the relationship.

The stages above are not only applicable for organizational or group mentoring; they are the same for individual and distance mentoring.

Initiation

There is a lingering debate about who should initiate a mentorship relationship. I care more about results no matter who initiates it. Isn’t that what you want too? There is always that moment when a person who wants to impart another, meets with the person who is ‘desperate’ to be imparted. Initiation in mentorship starts with a positive human connection. A boss who sees potential in a subordinate or a subordinate who respects and admire the boss.  Both have a dream. The boss believes in the subordinate, hoping that someday, he will be a great man. “I’m going to train him” he says to himself.  Or here is the subordinate thinking, “I want to be like this great man. I hope he could raise me under his arms”. The bottom line is that, there must be an intersection between the desire to impart and to be imparted. The actualization of the desire begins with the ‘asking’ and it’s usually not the – “Will you be my mentor” question or “I will mentor you” response.

It can start with simple actions like saying hello, sending friend invites, liking posts, and leaving comments on social media posts. This can be followed by creating or finding opportunities to arrange a meeting.The art of asking involves finding a way of making the potential mentor know that you value their wealth of relevant knowledge. Every time you have the opportunity to interact with the potential mentor, make sure you have questions that you’re prepared to ask and watch the conversation flow relationally. Asking is about taking initiatives and setting the agenda that will keep the relationship going [Practical Steps to Finding a Mentor].

This is the stage where expectations and goals are discussed. It’s like taking a lady out on a date. The mentor gets to know the mentee and vice versa. This is when Implicit and explicit ground rules is established. The stage is very important because as that saying goes, “you never get a second chance to make a good first impression”.

Cultivation

If mentoring was farming, initiation phase is the selection of the land to farm, clearing and planting the seed while cultivation is the watering, the air and the sun. Water, air and sun are all energy sources.  If initiation seems like work, cultivation is the heavy-duty task. I don’t mean to scare you; it is just what it is. How many friendships, courtships or even marriages have you seen broken? It most definitely happened because of lack of proper cultivation. Having a desire to mentor or to be mentored is not enough. You must put in the required work. And work requires energy. This is where the mentor gives all the necessary support that the mentee needs. And the mentee in return show evidence of growth and appreciation. This phase requires patience because it takes longer time than the initiation phase.  The meetings, communications, tasks, commitment and other activities in mentoring are instruments of cultivation.

Separation

The goal of mentorship is not to produce a perpetual mentee. The mentee must grow into responsibility and independence. Since a mentor is neither omniscient or omnipotent, a well-groomed mentee must be able make decisions on their own.This does not translate to total detachment from the mentor. It simply means that a time will come when the mentee is expected to run with the baton that has been handed over. A mentee must give life to what has been deposited by the mentor and also allow his or her own uniqueness to find expression. Achieving greater results than the mentor is not forbidden. It is the joy of great mentors. Elisha got double portion of the anointing of his master and mentor. It came to pass that he did exactly twice as many miracles that were done in the ministry of Elijah. Bill Gate has been topping his mentor, Warren Buffet on the richest man list for over a decade.

Redefinition

The beautiful relationship between a mentor and a mentee can be transformed even into something bigger – Friendship. Interactions between a mentor and a mentee can become peer-to-peer.

I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

John 15:15 (NIV)

You’d ask if the mentee has gotten all that is needed to be learnt from the mentor, what next? An African proverb says that “a child that has table manners and etiquette will eat with the elderly”. A time comes in mentorship where, the mentee and the mentor begin to operate with the same mindset and the mentor feels that the objective of the relationship has been achieved. At this stage, the mentor might also have few things to learn from the mentee.

These stages are vital and are sequential as listed above. Take the first step if you haven’t. You will earn your sit at the table with the wisemen with time and dedication to the process.

KEY TAKEWAYS

• There are four types of mentoring: Individual/personal mentoring, organizational/corporate mentoring, distance and hybrid mentoring.
• The four phases in mentoring are initiation, nurturing, separation, and redefinition.

Someone said variety is the spice of life. It isn’t just the spice; it provides option for everyone (except those who always have excuses for inaction).  There is a mentor for anyone who needs one.

Chapter 5

THERE IS A MENTOR FOR EVERYONE

I have seen people do panic buying when there is a news of an impending scarcity or surge in demand for an essential product or service. Just as the essential goods and services are vital for everyday living, mentors are important for everyone who has a dream worth realising. The Good news is that there is no ‘panic buying’ because there is a mentor for everyone who truly seeks.

Its unbelievable many people don’t know this!

A local adage says “he who doesn’t know how his mates succeed will run aimlessly”.

Do you have a goal you want to achieve or a dream that you want to bring to reality?

Do you know someone who has achieved something similar to your goals and dreams in a way that inspires you?

Do you know how to go about it? 

If your answer to the first and second question is YES, your answer to the third question is staring at you – you only need to look closely. That ‘someone’ in the second question is a potential mentor.

A mentor is someone whose life pattern motivates a deliberate action to learn and develop. I can also say a mentor is someone whose achievement creates an attraction to achieve the same feat at least! They are individuals whose achievements have become a yardstick to measure success.

Identifying and leveraging the experience of a mentor is a smart way to the success and achievements that you seek.  At this point, it should have dawned on you why I said earlier that the ‘know-how’ to achieving your dreams is staring at you.

Mentors are more like a template, they make life easier, easier because, you make lesser mistakes, they help you identify possible setbacks in your strategies/plans, they open your minds to new ideas; identify opportunities for growth and personal development. They are your ‘guardian angels’.

“He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.”

Proverb 13:20

Now to the big question! – Who needs a mentor?

Teens & Youth

These set of people are critically in need of a mentor. For people in this age bracket, most life experiences are new. This is when life-defining choices spanning academics, career, relationships, etc. are made. It is also the best time for talent development, interpersonal relationship skills development, and self-discovery, amongst others. To maximize this phase in their lives, the right and proper guidance are needed.

Many standard schools have a department whose job is to discover and nurture talents. Some teachers/instructors also take a keen interest in exceptional students; they help to keep them in check when they are not doing well.

Several students with enormous potential have gone without fulfilling their potentials because they were not able to get a mentor to lead them aright. Others were not open to the idea of getting someone who could nurture them, therefore leaving them exposed to environmental and peer pressure that deformed their life.

We currently live in an age that is being transformed through technological advancement championed by youths. Therefore, our team of advisers from different works of life are available to provide professional assistance for anyone who needs it.

Professionals

The word professional is broad, there are different perspectives to explain the word. For this subject, let’s say the professionals here are engineers, doctors and nurses, laboratory scientist, lecturers, lawyers, bankers, accountants and others.

It doesn’t matter how good your grades were as an undergraduate, neither does it matter if you graduated top of your class! To get the best for your career get a mentor, every skilled individual needs one!

Look at this:

In a five-year study of 1000 employees (Gartner 2006):

• 25% of employees who enrolled in a mentoring program had a salary grade change, compared to only 5% of workers who did not participate
• Mentees are promoted five times more often than those not in a mentoring program
• Retention rates were higher for both mentees (22% more) and mentors (20% more) than for employees who did not participate in a mentoring program.

You have to realize that real-life experience of practising what you have learnt has another learning curve of its own. Some of us call it “practical experience”, you won’t get this experience if you are not humble enough to listen to the advice of someone who has experience. You will be confident at doing what you love doing when you leverage the experience of a trusted mentor. The better you become, the more your mentor commits to your hands, and in so doing you also develop the capacity to mentor others. If you want to build a successful career as a professional you need a mentor!

Artisans

Artisans are individuals who are skilled in a trade. They mostly work with their hands, and in local parlance, and we refer artisans to people with ‘hand-work’. Artisans need to undergo an apprenticeship, which is a form of mentoring.

Since work is progressive, they need to upgrade their skills and seek the counsel of a mentor even when they graduate from the apprenticeship program. For instance, fashion designing has evolved, with more creativity and sophisticated pieces of machinery used; it is not strange that some of the old generations tailors now struggle to cope with the creativity of the younger generation. A mentor is quick to suggest a way you can improve your skill to conform to the trend.

Who else needs a mentor?

Everyone who has at least a dream and a goal to achieve in life need a mentor.

 In the words of James-Reed, “you are never too powerful or successful to have one (a mentor) and they can benefit you at any age”.

Oprah Winfrey, one of the most celebrated black women named a childhood teacher called Mrs. Duncan as one of her most important mentors. She explained how Mrs. Duncan encouraged her to embrace her intelligence and not be afraid of it. She credited the teacher for a large chunk of her success, due to the part she played in encouraging her to love learning.

Despite the many benefits that come from having a mentor, won’t it be unbelievable if anyone does not embrace it?

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Everyone who has a dream and a goal to achieve in life needs a mentor.

In the next chapter, you will see a vital requirement for success in mentorship. It determines progress, results and satisfaction in a mentoring relationship.

Chapter 6

ACCOUNTABILITY IN MENTORSHIP

Frank Wilson, an accountant was the IRS agent who took down popular Chicago crime boss, Al Capone (type his name in google for interesting reads). Although believed to be guilty of everything from bootlegging to murder, he was ultimately arrested and convicted of tax evasion. Though not his fan, but I must admit that it takes talent (corrupted one) to pull in around $100 million a year, from bootlegging, gambling, prostitution, racketeering and other illicit activities (https://www.history.com/topics/crime/al-capone).  Just like every other person, he was held accountable for what he did with his talents. And the results? six-and-a-half years in isolation from the outside world, contracted syphilis as a young man, and suffered from neurosyphilis, causing dementia.  He died at the prime age of 48.

There are two sides of the coin for whatever you do with your talent/potential- Reward or Punishment. And, both are inevitable depending on what you do or did not do with your potential. Whether you deliberately submit yourself to be accountable or not, I am compelled to believe you are reading this so you can live a good life and do something good with your God given potential.  When you know you will be held accountable for something, you become more responsible. Accountability also allows for feedback. The ‘punishment’ or ‘reward’ that comes with an action or inaction is a form of feedback. The feedback can deter or encourage similar action in the future. What a chaos, and waste life will become without accountability.

This book opened by stating that life is an opportunity in time. Life is unlimited (that is, what you can do in life) but time isn’t. There is a beautiful story in the bible often called ‘The Parable of the Talents’.  Find it below.

“For it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants[a] and entrusted to them his property. To one he gave five talents, to another two, to another one, to each according to his ability. Then he went away.  He who had received the five talents went at once and traded with them, and he made five talents more.  So also, he who had the two talents made two talents more.  But he who had received the one talent went and dug in the ground and hid his master’s money.  Now after a long time the master of those servants came and settled accounts with them. And he who had received the five talents came forward, bringing five talents more, saying, ‘Master, you delivered to me five talents; here, I have made five talents more.’  His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’ And he also who had the two talents came forward, saying, ‘Master, you delivered to me two talents; here, I have made two talents more.’  His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’ He also who had received the one talent came forward, saying, ‘Master, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you did not sow, and gathering where you scattered no seed, so I was afraid, and I went and hid your talent in the ground. Here, you have what is yours.’  But his master answered him, ‘You wicked and slothful servant! You knew that I reap where I have not sown and gather where I scattered no seed?  Then you ought to have invested my money with the bankers, and at my coming I should have received what was my own with interest. So, take the talent from him and give it to him who has the ten talents.  For to everyone who has will more be given, and he will have an abundance. But from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away.  And cast the worthless servant into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’

Matthew 25:14-30 (ESV)

The master in the parable above is God.  The 3 servants represent the different kinds of humans that He made. He gave them talents based on their abilities. He created man so He knew what everyone could manage. They knew instinctively what they should do with their talents. Two did what was expected of them. They traded with it and made a commensurate return. The third guy did something surprisingly different. He buried his talent. He was full of anger and complaints because he thought he had nothing to start with life with. Or why else would he say-‘Master, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you did not sow, and gathering where you scattered no seed, so I was afraid, and I went and hid your talent in the ground. Here, you have what is yours.’ When the moment for accountability came, he was punished and that which he had (that he never acknowledged and nurtured) was taken away from him. This is what happens to lots of people.  Les brown captures this tragedy succinctly:

“The graveyard is the richest place on earth, because it is here that you will find all the hopes and dreams that were never fulfilled, the books that were never written, the songs that were never sung, the inventions that were never shared, the cures that were never discovered, all because someone was too afraid to take that first step, keep with the problem, or determined to carry out their dream.”

You don’t want to be that guy who buried his talent.

 I believe there is going to be an ultimate accountability at the end of life. Before that time, mentors stand in the gap. Mentors are saviours. They deliver mentee from regrets of unrealised and unmaximized potential.

A life not examined is not worth living

– Socrates

In life; why do we write exams? Why don’t we just move to the next class? If we write exams to prove that we have learnt what we need to be promoted to and succeed in the next class, why do people get scared of exams or try to manoeuvre their way? By writing exams and answering the required questions, the system or the organization to which you submit to is holding you accountable for your own progress. If there is anyone who truly desires progress, such a person should also look forward to examinations. No accountability, no measurable progress, no success. That was not meant to rhyme. It is the simple truth.

I have never met someone who doesn’t want to progress in life but I have met those who want it without being examined. Organizations conduct different forms of examination for different reasons but the underlying principle remains the same. An examination is a way of accounting for what has been taught. It is usually administered through tests comprising of questions. Theoretical exams test the knowledge of what has been taught while practical exams, tests its application.

Mentorship provides a platform for the impartation of practical knowledge.  To get the best results from mentorship and make the desired progress, accountability for application (actions and inactions) of what has been imparted is vital to measuring the achievements of the mutual goals and objectives upon which the relationship is built. If you want to progress in life through mentorship, get ready for exams. Get ready to be accountable for your actions and inactions.

Every question in an examination is designed to test an area of knowledge where the person being tested is expected to show the proof of learning and also unearth areas where further knowledge and study is required.  Questions are as important as answers because, without the right questions directed to the right person, the right answers cannot be gotten. Without the right answers, progress cannot be made. Therefore, mentees must be prepared to answer ‘hard questions’ that will be asked during mentoring.

The necessity of Hard Questions

Hard questions are the right questions that a mentee must answer in order to move forward in life. It includes questions about life priorities, personal and professional weaknesses and strengths, life and career plan and others. These are sensitive and sometimes private questions with answers that can be disclosed only to a trusted and respected person (mentor). Desiring to reap the benefits of mentorship without the readiness for accountability is like desiring to swim and not get wet. Accountability helps to measure progress and expose not only vulnerability but blind spots thereby helping to put things in perspective and clarify vision.

Discipline of Examination

If you don’t examine yourself or allow for examination by a mentor, you become mediocre. You need the discipline of examination to be successful because you won’t get away with unwise actions.

“You are free to choose, but you are not free to alter the consequences of your decisions.”

― Ezra Taft Benson

The counsel and appraisal of a respectable and more experienced person, a mentor is needed. Though it may come with rebuke and corrections, the established mutual trust, Love and respect lubricates its bruise.

Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy

― Proverb 27:6

Most times, the knowledge of an impending examination forces serious minded people to self-examine themselves. Self-examination is very powerful because it can be deployed frequently at any time.

Benefits of accountability

• Accountability reduces entrapment and helps to avoid mistakes.

The biggest form of entrapment is self-deceit.

…those who are pure in their own eyes and yet are not cleansed of their filth;

Proverb 30:12 (NIV)

The humility that accountability in mentorship demands forces a mentee to objectively observe their life.

• Accountability to mentors reveals blind spots, and clarifies the vision. When a vision is clarified, and details become clearer, it expands. Clarity of vision is more powerful than that. It can also generate an energy that draws a person that awakens it to the fulfilment of that which is seen.
• Accountability helps to put things in perspective and strengthens determination

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.

Proverb 27:17 (NIV)

• Accountability helps to measure progress and discover the area that needs to be improved on.

Accountability is not limited to a mentor-mentee relationship, couples should be accountable to each other, workers to their supervisors and vice versa. leaders of nations to citizens and citizens to their leaders.

Ultimately in whatever we do, we are all accountable to God. And you are accountable to man too.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Accountability is inevitable in life.
• Accountability delivers several benefits that helps to maximize potentials.

If you had come this far, you are very close to the climax of what mentorship delivers. The three levels of learning outcomes in mentorship are the proofs of a job well done. You can find it in the next chapter.

Chapter 7

3 levels of learning outcomes in mentorship

Have you ever been to a potter’s house? He shapes his work on the wheels, consisting of two parallel clay or stone wheels connected by a shaft. As the potter turns the lower wheel with his bare feet, the upper wheel revolves smoothly, allowing the potter to shape the lump of clay into a vessel or decorative object. A potter must have the desired shape in mind before any worth-having products can be made. Mentors help to mould lives so that they can become useful and relevant. The process through which mentees are moulded is called learning. Just as the potter must have an image in mind before the clay moulding process begins, what kind of ‘image’ should a mentor have in mind before the mentoring process starts? In what depth and pattern?

 Humans are not clay, therefore a mentor can’t just ‘shape’ a mentee as he or she desires. Mentorship begins with an agreement between the mentor and a mentee.  Mentorship demands a wilful submission to learning and discipline. This is how the shape of success is formed.

Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?

Amos 3:3

Mutual expectations, goals and objectives of the relationship must be discussed and agreed to. A mentee might want to get better in a particular aspect of his/her life, become successful like the mentor or be groomed by the mentor to become like a ‘standard’ that even the mentor looks up to.  We have three ‘images’ and ‘patterns’ here. Let’s look at them closely.

Better Version of Yourself

When a fisherman becomes ‘fisher of men’, he has definitely upgraded. That was what happened to Peter when he met Jesus. His first sermon ‘fished’ about 3,000 converts. If I want to become better at marketing and Jay Abraham mentored me, I’ll definitely become a better version of myself. That’s good enough.

Become like your mentor

When the disciples of Jesus got to a place called Antioch, they were described as ‘Christians’ (Christ-like). They had absorbed so much from Jesus (their mentor) that it became so obvious.  If I become the next billion-dollar man like Jay is fondly called. I have become like my mentor. And that’s better.

Become like a standard

Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.

1 Corinthians 11:1

In the scripture above, Apostle Paul admonishes the Corinthians to learn from him as he learns from Christ. He could make this bold statement because he had a deeper relationship with Jesus, the perfect mentor. He was absolutely sure his life is patterned after the teachings of Jesus Christ and can become like him.

From Football to 100m athletic events, there are people who are the standard. They are the record holders, who are regarded as the best in the industry. I might also desire to become like Jay’s mentor, after all, every mentor has a mentor. I might not have a direct access to Jay’s mentor but through him, I can learn the things he learnt from his mentor and eventually get direct access to him. This is the best.

Can you see the beautiful patterns and depth of mentorship?

Agreeing on these patterns and their depths is what will determine the mentoring outcome(s). It is very important because it determines the approach the mentoring process will take. For the first option, I might have to be meeting with Jay a few times, but if I want to be like him, he will have to draw me closer and might even give me access to his platforms and key relationships. If Jay is grooming me to become like our accepted and agreed ‘standard’, he will eventually have to introduce me to him, so I can also relate to him directly and get access to his platforms and key relationships.

 Becoming better at marketing is good, becoming the next million-dollar man is better while becoming like the ‘standard’ is…. (You know the answer). There is that which is good, that which is better and pleasing but ultimately, we have that which is perfect.

Just like the popular rhyme: Good, better, best…

Anyone with enough determination, focus and humility can move from the becoming better version of themselves to becoming like a standard.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his GOOD, PLEASING and PERFECT will

Romans 12:2

 Good Mentoring focuses on the whole person. Not just the career or a specific area of life.

(https://hbr.org/2019/08/great-mentors-focus-on-the-whole-person-not-just-their-career)

If becoming the best that you could be is your desire, with a mentor in your life, you might as well begin to rejoice in its fulfilment.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• The level of outcomes of mentorship are: Become a better version of yourself, become like your mentor and become like a standard.
• Anyone with enough determination, focus and humility can become a standard for excellence in whatever area chosen.

Conclusion

This book is not about fishing but I do hope you get the drill (If you don’t, it’s obvious you skipped the introduction).

Your favourite ‘fish meal’ is almost done. It’s about time the ‘fish’ (potential/dreams) swimming in the ‘water of your desire’ get hooked.

 I hope you will think like the wise man (that you are) and go find that ‘fisherman’ (a mentor) that will teach you how to fish. So that the next time that fish leaps out of your river, you are confident it will end up on your plate; perfectly steamed and seasoned, ready to be devoured by you and people you would love to share with.

You know what the ‘protein’ from the fish does to your body? It builds you up. You grow and feel satisfied. You will be glad at what your ‘fish meal’ can do for others too.

Remember to stay connected to that ‘fisherman’, he has lot more ‘fishing lessons’ to give to you. He will examine your fishing skills and hold you accountable for your actions.

If you do all of these, most definitely,one day you will be become an expert ‘fisherman’, become like your mentor or even greater