THE Dos and DON’Ts FOR A SUCCESSFUL MENTORING RELATIONSHIP

I can only imagine what went on in the minds of the children of Israel when Moses introduced the ten commandments to them for the first time. For the smooth operation of any relationship, organization or entity, there has to be a body of rules and regulations (written or unwritten) to guide and direct the parties involved. The famous saying “where there is no rule, there is no sin/crime.”, captures the whole essence of having a body of rules and commandments. How would it be if we lived in a society without any laws guiding us? Don’t bother answering that.

Study this book of instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everyhthing written in it…

Joshua 1:8 NLT

In the world of mentorship, there have been a couple of unwritten rules, that have been helping mentors and mentees alike, achieve a good rapport, which has, in turn, helped them fulfil their obligations to the relationship. Let me share some of them with you.

                                                  The Dos

Create a structure. Structure is essential for the success of a mentoring relationship. It is one of the first discussions that should take place between a mentor and mentee. Defining the rules of engagement for your relationship is a part of creating a structure. Both parties have to agree to a realistic schedule that should be adhered to strictly. Matters such as the preferred medium of meeting (in person, via phone or video conferencing) and the frequency of meeting should be discussed.

Discuss expectations. It is natural that a person going into a relationship would have hopes and expectations for the said relationship. However, it could become a challenge when these expectations are not discussed beforehand. Mentors and mentees need to deliberate and agree on whatever expectations they might have for their relationship. Doing this would also guide them in fashioning the path the relationship would take.

Be coachable. This especially goes to mentees. It would help you to open your mind to learning. Even if it looks like the idea your mentor is sharing is not plausible, trust in their experience and expertise.

Keep Confidentiality. To build a trusting relationship, you must maintain confidentiality; remember that anything that is shared with you in confidence must not be revealed to a third party.

                                              The Don’ts

Do not make assumptions. This could be the death of your mentorship.  As a mentor, don’t just assume that your mentee needs your advice or input, ask before offering it. A mentee also should not take it for granted that their mentor would always be available to speak with them. Making assumptions could be detrimental to the relationship.  This is why it is important to create a structure and discuss expectations.

Resist the urge to be a hero. This especially refers to mentors. As much as you are trying to save your mentee from making mistakes, do not forget that experience is still the best teacher. Do not forget that your job is not to help them walk the path, but to help them build it.

Do not leave on a sour note. In the event that you want to exit a mentoring relationship for whatever reason, do not go with a grudge. Burning bridges is never a good idea. After all, you are in the same field as your mentor, and you never know when your paths may cross again.

These rules are not written on a tablet of stone anywhere, but they have been guididng mentors for a long time. It will help you if you try adopting them into your mentorimg relationship too.

Do you agree or disagree with any of these rules? Please share with me I will be waiting in the comment section.